humor, computer humor, philosophy, quotes, sf humor, computer, poetry

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People say Microsoft payed 14M$for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up'

People say Microsoft payed 14M$for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in
their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song.
For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'.

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover

A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came
upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
"That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow
man".
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well,
he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.

(1) Little things start bothering you: little things like worms, bugs,
ants.
(2) Something is missing in your personal relationships.
(3) Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
(4) You have a hard time getting a waiter.
(5) Exotic birds flock around you.
(6) People ignore you at parties.
(7) You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
(8) You no longer get off on cocaine.

NEW ADDITION TO THE LIBRARY

NEW ADDITION TO THE LIBRARY:
"Sally", the department's new inflatable doll, is available on a
short-term removal basis only -- please sign her out and return her
promptly to avoid extended waits. (We are still awaiting shipment of
our "Big John" doll.)

Pittsburgh Driver's Test

Pittsburgh Driver's Test

(8) Pedestrians are

(a) irrelevant.
(b) communists.
(c) a nuisance.
(d) difficult to clean off the front grille.

The correct answer is (a). Pedestrians are not in cars, so they are
totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.

Dear Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manners:
Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from
your face.

Gentle Reader:
Please list some decent ways of acquiring a man's saliva on
your face ...

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