computer humor

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If debugging is the process of removing bugs

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
-- Dykstra

USENET is like drinking from a firehose, you'll get very wet but you probably will still be thirsty.

USENET is like drinking from a firehose, you'll get very wet but you probably will still be thirsty.
-- Steve Steinberg

UNIX - You can do whatever you want, at least if you have root-access.

UNIX - You can do whatever you want, at least if you have root-access. Just don't misspell anything and remember which UNIX you're using and what the different switches means in it. AND BE CAREFUL WITH THAT SPACE-BAR!

You know You're Hooked On The Internet When...

You know You're Hooked On The Internet When...
your phone bill is delivered in a Handibox. and Armourguard comes around to pick up the payment cheque.

You know You're Hooked On The Internet When...
you finally log off and open the curtains, only to discover the
other side of the street has been bulldozed to make way for a
driving range, a street gang has moved in next door and Lange has
been out of power for eight years--and all you say is "Now when
did that happen?"

You know You're Hooked On The Internet When...
an attractive single person asks you over to their place for

A comment from the Space Shuttle (!) computer IPL code, power failure handling

A comment from the Space Shuttle (!) computer IPL code, power failure handling:

"OK! LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT. I'M IN CHARGE OF THE CPU FOR THE NEXT 40 MILLISECONDS!"

University

University, n.:
Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you
how to fix it, and ...

These two strings walk into a bar and sits down.

These two strings walk into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quaqg fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLkjk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says. "He isn't null-terminated."

Real programmers

Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise clear desks.

Real programmers do not clear registers twice before using them. In fact, if you annoy a Real Programmer, he/she won't clear the registers at all.
And that goes for your memory, too.

Real Programmers do not wonder where the bits went following a shift operation. They do not care.

Real computer scientists

Real computer scientists only write specs for languages that might run on future hardware.
Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo sapiens will ever be able to fit on a single planet.

Printer

Printer:
A device for:

1) Chewing up paper and converting it into useless trash
2) Acclimatising the ears before a heavy metal concert
3) Printing things (occasionally)

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