humor

warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/vandergu/subdomains/www.spiff.be/public_html/drupal6/modules/taxonomy/taxonomy.pages.inc on line 34.

I'd love to go out with you, but...

I'd love to go out with you, but... the President said he might drop in.

I'd love to go out with you, but... it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.

I'd love to go out with you, but... there's a disturbance in the Force.

I'd love to go out with you, but... I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.

I'd love to go out with you, but... I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

I'd love to go out with you, but... the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.

Surprise! You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S. Audit!

Surprise! You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S. Audit! Just type in your name and social security number. Please remember that leaving the room is punishable under law: Name #

Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?

Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit."
A schoolteacher says: "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right."
An airline stewardess says: "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breath normally."

Light bulb Q&A

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, but don't ask me how they get in there! How many NASA managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? "That's a known problem... don't worry about it." How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want to change. Q) How many girls does it take to change a light bulb? A) THEY ARE CALLED "WYMYN," AND THAT IS NOT FUNNY! How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just part of the way the world works.

Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just part of the way the world works. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.

-Douglas Adams

God wanted to have a holiday

God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go. "Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter. "No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God. "Well, how about Mercury?" "No, it's too hot there." "Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?" "No," said God, "They're such horrible gossips. When I was there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're still talking about it."

Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.

Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW" means the price went way up.

Answering machine madness

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
(Militaristic mechanical voice:)
FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW.
THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave
your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no

Light bulb Q&A

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but don't ask me how they get in there!

How many NASA managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"That's a known problem... don't worry about it."

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

Q) How many girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A) THEY ARE CALLED "WYMYN," AND THAT IS NOT FUNNY!

How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

People say Microsoft payed 14M$for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up'

People say Microsoft payed 14M$for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in
their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song.
For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'.

Syndicate content