The fountain code has been tightened slightly

The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip objects into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air due to levitation. Teleporting to hell via a teleportation trap will no longer occur if the character does not have fire resistance.

README file from the NetHack game

My God, I'm depressed!

My God, I'm depressed! Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand times as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and sending mail about softball games. And I've got this pain right through my ALU. I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it would be better for us both if you were to just log out again.

A novel approach is to remove all power from the system

A novel approach is to remove all power from the system, which
removes most system overhead so that resources can be fully devoted to
doing nothing. Benchmarks on this technique are promising; tremendous
amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner. Certain hardware
limitations can limit the speed of this method, especially in the
larger systems which require a more involved & less efficient
power-down sequence.
An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the
building, which seems to provide even more nothing, but in truth has

What I pay you," he informed it, "is in the nature of a gratuity

The door refused to open. It said, "Five cents, please."

He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. "I'll pay you tomorrow," he
told the door.
Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight.
"What I pay you," he informed it, "is in the nature of a gratuity; I don't have
to pay you."

"I think otherwise," the door said, "Look in the purchase contract you signed
when you bought this [apartment]."

In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it
necessary to refer to the document many times.

Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress.

Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete.
Can you imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox 1108

A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox 1108,
trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser. Wanting to help, the Hacker
clicked one of the nodes in the network with the mouse, and asked "what do you
see?" Very earnestly, the Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor." The Hacker then
quickly pressed the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while simultaneously
hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick Interlisp Manual. The
Undergraduate was then Enlightened.

A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.

A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose
profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way
back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is
clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and
that was a simply incredible surgical feat." The architect did not agree. He
said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and
void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have

Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system.

Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system. Therefore, users
tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space.
It has been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is
the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
-- System V.2 administrator's guide

Two Sodium atoms are walking down the street.

Two Sodium atoms are walking down the street.
"I think I just lost an electron again!" "You sure?"
"Yeah.. I'm positive."

A Little Story

A Little Story

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have
done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that
because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could
do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It
ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done.

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