Answering machine madness

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
(Militaristic mechanical voice:)
FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW.
THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave
your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no
diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist
tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of
secrets you wish to sell.

Answering machine madness - authority figures:
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave
your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to
invade, and the secret password.

Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller:
Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line.
Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or
right ear? ... BEEP

Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller:
The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The
new number is 226-0477. (Yes, same number.) Please make a note
of it.

Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller:
This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.

Answering machine madness - befuddle the caller:
We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please
rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Answering machine madness - brevity:
(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.

Answering machine madness - brevity:
You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine. This
is the nineties. You know what to do.

Answering machine madness - brevity:
You have reached 555-6238. Why?

Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...:
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you
are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Answering machine madness - can't answer right now because...:
We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll
call you back and tell you what we got.

Answering machine madness - family fun:
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a
family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep
and whoever wins will call you right back.

Answering machine madness - family fun:
This is Fred. We are not... excuse me a moment, please. Put
your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window
breaking.) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you
later.

Answering machine madness - odd organizations:
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave
your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's
vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".

Answering machine madness - science fiction:
WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone,
and we'll assimilate you later.

Answering machine madness - you're in big trouble:
Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone.
I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.