Light bulb Q&A

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but don't ask me how they get in there!

How many NASA managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"That's a known problem... don't worry about it."

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

Q) How many girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A) THEY ARE CALLED "WYMYN," AND THAT IS NOT FUNNY!

How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3: 1 to screw it in and 2 to say "I told you so" when it doesn't work.

How many SysAdmins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They deny privileges to everyone with access to that room.

How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to mix the drinks.

Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.

Q: How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause
as to why the last one went out.

Q: How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one and screw itself in.

Q: How many creatures from Altair VII does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Though he will break the new bulb, the glow from his fingerprints will provide a quite nice illumination.

Q: How many UN*X hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.

Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.

Q: How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.

Q: How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!

Q: How many Anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: ALL of them!!

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.

Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to
the point where they need lightbulbs again.

Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. People who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old
one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a big load of light bulbs!

Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

Q: How many necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A1: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.
A2: Just one. Excuse me, but could you please test the socket with your finger
while I get a new bulb?

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile big enough to climb on to reach the bulb.

Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000"

Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: one.

Q: How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb
insertion program, and one to write a program insuring that no one else changes the
bulb at the same time.

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: 101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too.
A2: Just one, but he has to be on top.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 10, 1 to actually screw it in, and 9 to form a help group to discuss
the violation of the socket.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to not change it.

Q: How many alt.pagan.* group readers does it take to change a lightbulb
A: None. Torches are more traditional.
A: 23. One to change the bulb and 22 to argue how their family tradition
regarding lightbulbs is more justified and ancient than anyone else's.

Q: How many 'real' programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. 'Real' programmers prefer LEDs.

Q: How many unix programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2>" he'll mash both the live and
dead bulbs into the same socket at once.

Q: How many BASIC programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10 push bulb upwards:twist bulb clockwise
20 goto 10

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't change light bulbs... Without light, they can't read the manual, and
without the manual, they can't figure out how to change the light bulb.
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to make sure the stack of manuals
doesn't tip over.

Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.